40 Things for 40

Today I turn 40! Guess I’ll have to update my bio so it doesn’t say “thirty-something” anymore….

I feel like it took me right up until the last couple of years in my 30s to really understand life and think “oh, THAT’S what it’s supposed to be about” thanks to all the many lessons I’ve learned, taught myself and observed along the way.

I thought what better way to return to the Internet than to share some of those things – not to be preachy or think I’m some kind of oracle, simply in the hope that someone reading this may see something that resonates and helps them navigate their own journey. I’ve also included a few pics – some are of happy times, some mild chaos, some of not so great times. Balance.

1. Having your shit together is an urban myth. Sometimes you’ll feel like you’re in control and winning, sometimes you’ll feel like you have 50 plates spinning at once and it’s too much.

2. Don’t make permanent decisions off temporary emotions.

3. Comparison is the thief of joy, but so is chewing yourself up with anxiety.

4. You will not be thought of more favourably as an employee if you work loads of extra unpaid hours.

5. You are not a bad employee if you work the amount of hours that you’re paid to work, or for taking breaks (see point 4).

6. Your best years will be peppered throughout life, not just “when you’re young”.

7. Don’t feel pressured into being around certain people or in certain situations because you’re told you should. Your comfort level, your life, your choice.

8. Not every friendship will last a lifetime; some may not even last more than a day. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it.

9. Don’t get rid of every single item of clothing once you’re bored of it. In 10/15 years time when it’s back in style you may get seller’s remorse and feel the need to trawl ebay to try and buy it again.

10. Fashion and style are different – fashion is what is “on trend” for the moment, style is what you like to wear and how you like to wear it. Prioritise style over fashion.

11. You don’t have to be best mates with people at work, but you need to at least forge a professionally respectful and cordial relationship (and expect the same back).

12. Taking photos or videos doesn’t mean you’re not present in the moment, it means to you can relive the moment aftwards. Strike a balance.

13. There are some problems in life that are worth throwing a little money at (if you can) if you dont like dealing with them. For me, those things are DIY and gardening.

14. Your home does not have to perfectly decorated and curated within weeks of moving in. It may not even be finished within years of you moving in.

15. Love and hate take exactly the same amount of effort. Hate is not worth that much effort.

16. A little imposter syndrome is fine; it reminds you that you may need to learn new skills and develop to keep moving forward.

17. You can get a degree in your 30s that’s just as good as the people getting them in their 20s.

18. You can pass your driving test, and be a good driver, in your 30s.

19. You can be only useful to others if you’re looking after yourself properly.

20. Spending and saving are just as important as each other; you shouldn’t do all of one and none of the other.

21. If you don’t have to vacation during school holidays, don’t.

22. If you have an overwhelming ‘To Do’ list, give yourself the “rule of 3” each day – write down your top 3 tasks that you must achieve that day, and as long as you’ve completed them you can go home a winner.

23. If your partner is ruining your mascara because they make you cry with laughter, that’s a good thing.

24. A bad day, bad week, or even a series of bad weeks, doesn’t mean it’s a bad life.

25. Don’t ever close yourself off to meeting people or having new experiences because you think you have enough already.

26. Always own your opinions, don’t try and pass them off as someone else’s. We know that’s what you’re doing.

27. Respect that other people will make choices for their life that are different to yours and that you may not relate to.

28. Be actively present in the art of relaxing/doing nothing.

29. It’s good to look for silver lining, but realistically, you can’t reframe every situation into a positive. Sometimes you have to shrug your shoulders, say “well this is a bit shit” and do what you can to make the next day/week/month better.

30. Try not to treat simple acts of self care as a chore. Rather than letting your mood determine whether you do self care, let doing self care determine your mood.

31. What other people think of you is none of your business.

32. You don’t have to have the most amazing night of your life on New Year’s Eve, or the most productive/healthy/vision boarded first week of January for your year to be successful. You have 365 days to have fun and take whatever time you need to set your goals.

33. You mind doesnt necessarily age in line with each passing year. Your birth certificate may say you’re 40 but your mind still feels the same as it did when you were 17.

34. Looking back can be a good thing, you can see how far you’ve come and reminisce over good times. The trick is to know what you’re looking back for and what to leave in the past.

35. Don’t wait until you feel pretty enough, skinny enough, brave enough, to do the things you want in life.

36. “Impersonating Beyoncè is not your destiny, child”. This quote reminds me that we’re all unique and shouldn’t strive to exactly replicate someone else’s life because it ‘looks’ perfect.

37. If you don’t like content you see online, scroll past/mute/unfollow. Going out of your way to leave nasty and hateful comments will always say more about you than the person you’re targeting.

38. Advocating for change, for yourself, for an apology or to highlight poor service does not automatically make you difficult or a “Karen”. Please don’t let a fear of how you will be perceived prevent you from speaking up if it’s something important to you..

39. It’s not your age, it’s your stage. Just because others have done something at a certain age doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t do it at different age.

40. The meaning of life – described perfectly by Jimmy Carr, is this “enjoying the passage of time”.

Thanks for reading, here’s to chapter 40!

J xx