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Being married for a decade
“I married him, reader”
On this day a whole decade ago, I signed a piece of paper in front of forty or so people saying I was willing to share my life with one other person. That’s a fairly formal way of saying “it’s my ten year wedding anniversary today, eek!”
I know what you’re thinking no “Jenny, you only look about 25. Where you a child bride?” and to that I’d blush sweetly and say thank you. The answer I’m afraid is no, I’m simply quite juvenile and camera filters have improved over the past few years…
The other thing that’s improved in that time is my ability to reflect, so today, in honor of this milestone, I’m sharing with you what being in a long term relationship has taught me.
You’re not a gold digger if your partner pays for more things than you. This might sounds ridiculous, or old fashioned, take it as you will, but when the Mr and I first started going out one of his ‘friends’ said he should watch himself around me because I was I gold digging bitch. I was furious, and at the time it was highly untrue (he lived in MY house and our incomes were pretty similar). Over the years our salaries, jobs and approach to paying for our lifestyle have changed a lot, and between us we have agreed what we are both happy with. I’m secure in the fact that he sometimes pays for more because he wants to, and he’s fully aware that I’d be aiming for someone older and richer if I was in fact after money. At least I think he’s aware of that.
I still find myself surprised by how much he loves me. Just when I think he’s told me or showed me in all the ways possible, he will say or do something that makes me sit back and go “wow, I didn’t know you cared that much”.
I still wear the trousers when I need to. My hubby is a LOT more opinionated and strong than people give him credit for in our relationship (people presume that because I’m more talkative he is therefore passive. Nope, not even close!) but that doesn’t mean there are times when he sees the benefit of sending me to bat when there’s a time I’m likely to make a stronger point or get a better result. I’m a very constructive complainer (yes, that’s a thing) and am less shy about being assertive in public, so I tend to handle the more difficult situations that need that kind of approach.
I gained the biggest cheerleader I’ve ever had. Don’t get me wrong, my mum is an amazing lady and has done a cracking job of inspiring and lifting me up, but she’s no longer at home for me every single day to pick me up off the floor if things are a bit rubbish or talk through my many random musings and ideas.
You can have a wonderfully close and healthy relationship without seeing each other on the toilet. Look; I’m not a prude, I know he poos and he knows I do, but I have zero desire to witness it unless of medical emergency.
Don’t get me wrong, there are also sometimes negative things to a long term relationship too – I’m not going to talk about those here because there really are very few of them, and if any were that bad I wouldn’t be writing this post at all!
I feel extremely lucky to have my Husband in my life. He’s a decent bloke who is very clever, insightful and kind. He’s also silly as hell, but that’s only a side I get to see (which is a real shame because he’s hilarious). Here’s to the next 10 years and beyond!
Thanks for reading,
J xx
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Thoughts and actions that creative minds will totally relate to
Having a great idea for a concept, sitting down to do it and thinking “how the frick do I start this?”
Having tonnes of scrappy bits of paper/phone notes with random words and phrases on so you don’t forget ideas, but then they languish at the bottom of your bag and you forget to look at them for weeks
Getting a sudden flash of inspiration whilst doing something else creative, and you must stop immediately to do the new thing.
Getting the best spark of creativity you’ve had all day as you’re trying to drift off to sleep, but not acting on it because you know your other half would kick off if you got up to work on it and kept them awake.
Doing all the little tasks around your house that’d land you an Olympic gold in procrastination.
Thanks for reading, J xx
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Should we dress to impress?
Dress to impress. That phrase we’ve all heard umpteen times, seen on invitations, heard Gok Wan utter on dozens of TV shows over the years.
But what does it really mean; what is the definition of dressing to impress? Should we dress to impress, and if so who is it exactly is it that we’re trying to impress?
Dress up for your man. Now, how da hellllll do you do this?? When you’ve been in a relationship for over a decade as I have, your other half is either brutally honest about outfits they hate you in or say you look nice to get you out the door without having a meltdown (this is not to say he doesn’t ever genuinely like what I wear, but I’m tuned in enough to know the difference). We can only guess what men would be impressed by us wearing, and (spoiler alert) it may not be something you’re necessarily comfortable in. I’m not saying all men are into boobs out/short skirts/tight clothing (not all together obvs) but I’m willing to bet most of our stereotypical minds think they are most of the time.
Dress for the approval of other woman. This tends to be the one people do the most. We don’t say we do it, but I know from experience that I feel way more chuffed when a female has come up to me and asked about what I’m wearing. A lot of clothing women appreciate tends to be referred to as ‘man repelling’ which kind of backs up what I said earlier about what we think men want to see women wearing. But then, every woman has her own opinion about what looks nice too – some are into showing off what they’ve got, some are fashun forward to the enth degree, others may be docs and tee dresses all day errrr day.
Dress for the job you want, not the job you have. If you want to be a zoo keeper – should you wear khaki and carry a massive net? (I fully appreciate this is a super outdated stereotype, given I used to work in an industry where I came into contact with animal keepers). OK, that’s a bit of an outlandish example, but you get my point. For other more ‘usual jobs’ this is more ambiguous I’d say – my day job is marketing, but during my career I’ve worked in environments where I have to be very smartly dressed and others were being casual is encouraged. So if someone who wanted to work in the same profession wanted to impress and didn’t know the company culture, what would they wear? The default would likely be a suit or similar, but that could disengage the interviewers if that’s not how they do things.
Dress for yourself. THIS IS THE ONE YOU SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO. Think about it – nobody knows better than you what you like, what you feel good in, what suits your shape and lifestyle. Only you can truly tell yourself that you feel good in what you have on (I don’t care how many people pay you compliments about your appearance; if you don’t believe it yourself it’ll never stick) and when that happens confidence will radiate out of you. I’ve you’re feeling confident the world will notice and respond to that – people you’re attracted to, other girls, a prospective employer. Now that’s impressive.
Thanks for reading, J xx
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Let’s Chat – February 2020
For a short month (even though we had an extra day in it this year) I’ve had a super busy time!
Slight disclaimer – I’ve been pretty terrible at taking pictures of what I’ve been wearing (hair and nails are in) but I can reveal I’ve been enjoying a lot of faux leather and statement sleeves..
- Bad Boys for Life soundtrack
- Bon Jovi Jonas Brothers
- Throwback hits on Viking FM
- Bad Boys for Life: it’s the perfect balance between super serious action film and cheesy cop comedy, deffo recommend
- Sex Education season 2: even more unanswered questions than the end of last season, sure there’s going to be a third, right?
- -Saw Michael McIntyre live: last minute warm up gig for his Netflix spesh
- Saw Lloyd Griffith live: #LetLloydSingAtWembley
- Saw Jimmy Carr live: a crazy woman claiming she was called Hilary Clinton heckled, a LOT
- I went on the radio: this time I was on the BBC Radio Humberside afternoon show talking about how blogging can make you more employable (based on this post)
- Saw Phil Wang live: have we seen a pattern for the month here?? Usually our comedy gigs are far more spaced out, but if ever there was a time I needed a good laugh it’s now so I’m kinda grateful
- Holiday booking: I’ve booked a girls trip to Ibiza for the month after for my sister-in-law’s 40th birthday. We’re doing the full shebang with Ocean Beach and everything. I’m excited yet a bit scared!
- I met Latrice Royale: After being kindly gifted entry to the first Pride in Hull Queer AF event in January, myself and Kat booked (and paid for) tickets to the second event which was headlined by Drag Race Season 4 alum Latrice.
2020 is already proving pretty busy and expensive, but I’m very much here for it so far!
Thanks for reading, J xx
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It’s OK not to be OK, but is it OK not to want to talk about not being OK?
If you made it through the tong twisting title, thanks for sticking with me on this one!*
It’s OK not to be OK. How many times have you heard or read this phrase? A fair few I’m willing to bet. I’m not going to dispute the authenticity of it, because I firmly believe it to be true. Everybody is different and reactions to different scenarios are a very individual thing. Just because you’re OK with something and somebody else is not doesn’t give you the right to question why they’re not, they’re just not. More importantly, they may not even know why they’re not.
Not being OK (and to be clear, by ‘not OK’ I’m talking about mental health) can be a difficult concept to grasp but those who are OK. It’s tough to understand something you have no experience with, and I do think we forget that when we see people behaving less than supportively towards those struggling. On one hand, it’s a positive that they’ve never been through illness that can be so dibilitating. On the other, they will never have the complete picture of exactly how the human brain can do torturous things to its host, or how it can receive the actions of others. You may live with someone or have a friend that’s gone through mental health issues and think you get it, but unless it’s you personally then you just don’t.
Whether you understand mental health and illness personally or not, every single person can choose how they approach and deal with those who these issues. Any human being is capable of showing understanding, kindness and support, yet some (an increasing number of, alarmingly) choose not to be these things. THAT’S the problem.
I think if society were to tackle mental wellbeing by starting with the people who are responsible for a lack of awareness and empathy that we’d stand a better chance of getting this in hand. You see, for once – it’s not you, it’s them. There can be all the destigmatisation and and support services in the land, but if people are still running around behaving like bad human beings then it’s kinda pointless.
I think most importantly, we all need to bear in mind that absolutely anybody could suffer with their mental health and some point without actually having a long term mental health condition. If you are somebody that currently doesn’t behave as a decent human being when approaching the mental health of others, I hope you bear this in mind.
Thanks for reading, J xx
Disclaimer: All of the words above are my personal opinions. They are not intended to offend, simply open a discussion on a very hot topic from a different perspective.
About Me
I’m Jenny, nice to meet you. I’m a thirty-something who likes fashion, holidays and wondering about life. A lot.
