It’s OK not to be OK, but is it OK not to want to talk about not being OK?

If you made it through the tong twisting title, thanks for sticking with me on this one!*

It’s OK not to be OK. How many times have you heard or read this phrase? A fair few I’m willing to bet. I’m not going to dispute the authenticity of it, because I firmly believe it to be true. Everybody is different and reactions to different scenarios are a very individual thing. Just because you’re OK with something and somebody else is not doesn’t give you the right to question why they’re not, they’re just not. More importantly, they may not even know why they’re not.

Not being OK (and to be clear, by ‘not OK’ I’m talking about mental health) can be a difficult concept to grasp but those who are OK. It’s tough to understand something you have no experience with, and I do think we forget that when we see people behaving less than supportively towards those struggling. On one hand, it’s a positive that they’ve never been through illness that can be so dibilitating. On the other, they will never have the complete picture of exactly how the human brain can do torturous things to its host, or how it can receive the actions of others. You may live with someone or have a friend that’s gone through mental health issues and think you get it, but unless it’s you personally then you just don’t.

Whether you understand mental health and illness personally or not, every single person can choose how they approach and deal with those who these issues. Any human being is capable of showing understanding, kindness and support, yet some (an increasing number of, alarmingly) choose not to be these things. THAT’S the problem.

I think if society were to tackle mental wellbeing by starting with the people who are responsible for a lack of awareness and empathy that we’d stand a better chance of getting this in hand. You see, for once – it’s not you, it’s them. There can be all the destigmatisation and and support services in the land, but if people are still running around behaving like bad human beings then it’s kinda pointless.

I think most importantly, we all need to bear in mind that absolutely anybody could suffer with their mental health and some point without actually having a long term mental health condition. If you are somebody that currently doesn’t behave as a decent human being when approaching the mental health of others, I hope you bear this in mind.

Thanks for reading, J xx

Disclaimer: All of the words above are my personal opinions. They are not intended to offend, simply open a discussion on a very hot topic from a different perspective.


It’s OK to want to change things about yourself without feeling like you’re hating on the world at large

As I was growing up I lived as part of a society that taught me only one body was desirable to the opposite sex – Petite, slim, big boobs and long hair. In my teens people like Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce came into the world of celebrity, and with their big booties and curvy hips they managed to gently prod a generation into seeing a different kind of attractive.

Fast forward to the present day, and the world has evolved again. Now we’re told that all body types are beautiful and should be embraced/celebrated, and that we should love our own body for what it is rather than what it could be.

But is it as simple as that?

No, it’s not. I’d like to go on record saying that I wholeheartedly support a society that acknowledges humans come in a wide variety of forms and to ensure that all are catered for as fairly as possible. I have a great admiration for people in the public eye and that I know in real life who project a confidence and sex appeal that I could only ever dream of. I fiercely stand by the opinion that fad diets/products DO NOT WORK (it still both bemuses and concerns me that a post I did about trying Boombod 2 years ago is still one of my most read every single month) however I do believe in eating plans that encourage moderation and good habits such as Slimming World.

So with all of these beliefs firmly planted in my mind, would it surprise you to learn that there are things I can’t accept and would like to change about myself? Because there are, and I do.

Thanks in part to J-Lo and Queen Bey, I feel confident in accepting that my body shape isn’t straight up and down, its somewhere closer to a pear (curvy hips and bigger thigh/bum area) but what I’ve never been able to fully accept is the size of my body, and this is the aspect I want to address.

There are many reasons why I dislike my body size. Primarily, it’s because it represents unhappiness. My body is the result of emotional eating caused by a period of difficult situations, and through lethargy caused by my fragile state of mind as a result. If I knew that inside I was healthy and happy, and that my weight gain was a sign of enjoying life, then I hav3le no doubt that I would feel differently about the reflection staring back at me. If each extra pound represented a romantic meal or nights on the town drinking cocktails with the girls, there’d be a valid and enjoyable reason. Don’t get me wrong; I have done those things, but far more rarely.

And this is why I think it’s OK for me to say that there are things I don’t like about my body shape or size whilst still being absolutely accepting of those that look different to me, similar to me or don’t want to look how I’d like to look. I’m not throwing shade at any of those people, I’m simply saying that’s not the right thing for me. I’m saying that I acknowledge I’m not completely happy or healthy and that I’d like to take action to change this. I’m saying that I’ve been through hell and my exterior reminds me of this every bloody day, which makes me feel worse. I’m saying that it will take more than a change in mindset to be able to accept what I look like. Finally, I’m saying that I am a different person to you – I’m built to think, feel and react differently, so my actions are going to be different to other people’s.

If people don’t like my opinions, that’s fine. As I said, everybody is different and has their own truth. However, they are valid and are mine. To say otherwise wouldn’t be very accepting of ME, would it?

Thanks for reading,

J xx


Some people just aren’t nice – coping with toxic influences

Some people just aren’t nice – coping with toxic influences

If you’ve seen the title, you know the story. And honestly, it’s one I’m sorry that’s made it’s way over to my page, but I think we have to talk about it.

By toxic, I don’t mean people like murderes/rapists/terrorists, there’s a special place in hell reserved for them and for which toxic is too polite a word. By toxic, I mean people that have made their way into your life somehow but are rude/nasty/inconsiderate/controlling for reasons which seem bafflingly unclear to a relatively normal or sane person.

Toxic people are bullies whose behaviour is damaging and unacceptable. Their behaviour is not your fault, it’s their fault. Nobody should have to endure people like this. Buuuuuutttt….you can’t cut ’em all out of your life, sorry.

Because they’re everywhere, toxic people are unavoidable. I have always had what I believed to be a fairly reasonable set of standards for people and friendship, sadly over the years I’ve come understand that my standards are in fact pretty high (not a bad thing) and my expectations had to lower. Sure you can minimise contact to an extent with toxic influences, but if they’re someone you deal with on your commute, in the workplace or a place you visit often, that makes things a wee bit more challenging. Much better I think, is to empower yourself by having the tools to deal with them.

Forewarned is forearmed. You’re likely to know who are the toxic people around you, so be aware of this and you have the chance to steel yourself for your next delightful encounter with them.

Take your time. You know the way person acts pushes your buttons which can make for a knee-jerk irrational response from you. Not only will that upset you, but you may come off as a bit of a dick in the process. Give yourself a little bit of time to think about what was said/done, calm down. It’s perfectly acceptable to politely excuse yourself from a room to prevent this and get some space if you need to.

Think. Does this person’s words/actions need a response? A lot of the time, it probably doesn’t. There’s no point telling them they’ve upset you because they won’t care or (worse still) that’s exactly what they want you to feel. Being dignified or silent makes far more noise.

Remember (this is the most important one). The words of toxic people do not mean shit. No, really. You don’t have to take criticism from somebody that you wouldn’t take advice from. Their words may be their (albeit warped) trust, but they’re not yours. Don’t accept them.

Someone always has your back. You have people in your life that are brilliant to be around. People that you would go to for advice, people who actively build you up with their words, people who you greet with a feeling of happiness rather than dread. Spend more time with or communicating with them, and remind yourself that this is what the majority of the world looks like.

If you have toxic influences you deal with on the daily, I’m sorry that you have to put up with that. They are the ones who are flawed and need to get better, so try not to be too bitter about their presence.

Thanks for reading,

J xx


BEAUTY/ How I keep my hair healthy

At the start of last year my hair was very, VERY mad at me. Apparently it didn’t like being blonde as much as I did! It became horribly dry and frayed, luckily I had the lovely Chelsea and the Cook Hair Anlaby gals to help get it back to a good place. After months of nourishing darker tones, my locks are now very happy (and looking very nice, I must say) with some subtle copper highlights running through the mid section.

Taking good care of my hair is now extra important so that I keep it healthy, so here I’m sharing the top three products I use to achieve this in between salon appointments


Herbal Essence Daily Detox Clean shampoo

I’ve never found a shampoo that’s really fit me before, but this formulation seems to really agree with my hair. I started using it about three months ago and have since noticed that my hair is shinier than it’s ever been when I’ve washed it at home, I’ve had a lot of compliments to this effect too. It’s safe for colour treated hair so doesn’t make it fade or even turn brassy, surprisingly for me.

I know you’re meant to alternate what you use every so often but I haven’t used another brand since getting this. I’ve recently bought the Daily Detox volume (pictured) to alternate with which is crimson orange and mint, which seems to be working pretty well so far.

Milkshake Incredible Milk

This brand is used at my salon and smells delicious, so I picked up a bottle of this to kick my home hair routine up a gear when it was really suffering. It’s worked brilliantly – six squirts into the palm to distribute through the lengths before blow drying keeps my hair soft.

Wet Brush lil

Last year I picked up a full sized Wet Brush for home, but this beauty lives in my wash bag so I can use it on the go. It’s perfect for combing product through my hair after I’ve washed it as well as keeping tangles in check, my hair is prone to knotting but has been pretty good since investing in this.

I hope sharing my hair heroes may help if you have any similar problems – I’m recommending these alongside the care I get from regular touch ups, toners and trims at a professional salon, which isn’t always cheap but worth investing in if you have the money to do so.

Thanks for reading,

J xx


LIFESTYLE/ Viridian health helpers

  I’ve been struggling with tiredness and fatigue for a little while, which I put purely down to the ‘shock’ of readjusting to full time working. Daft as that seems, I’ve been constantly shattered and needed help! 

I met a lovely chap called Steve from Viridian at the last #HullBloggers event who thought he may be able to help with this problem so recommended a couple of products for me to try.

The Liquid Iron in particular had an almost immediate effect- I had 2 large spoonfuls each morning (alongside a reasonably healthy diet) and by the end of day five I no longer felt as if I was wiped out before the day had even started. Brilliant result. I still get bouts of mild fatigue occasionally but a spoonful of this usually helps…even better than a large cup of coffee, no caffeine headaches here! 

You can view the full range of Viridian products here

Thanks for reading, have a great #Monday 

Stay Stylish

J 😘xx