Some people just aren’t nice – coping with toxic influences

If you’ve seen the title, you know the story. And honestly, it’s one I’m sorry that’s made it’s way over to my page, but I think we have to talk about it.

By toxic, I don’t mean people like murderes/rapists/terrorists, there’s a special place in hell reserved for them and for which toxic is too polite a word. By toxic, I mean people that have made their way into your life somehow but are rude/nasty/inconsiderate/controlling for reasons which seem bafflingly unclear to a relatively normal or sane person.

Toxic people are bullies whose behaviour is damaging and unacceptable. Their behaviour is not your fault, it’s their fault. Nobody should have to endure people like this. Buuuuuutttt….you can’t cut ’em all out of your life, sorry.

Because they’re everywhere, toxic people are unavoidable. I have  always had what I believed to be a fairly reasonable set of standards for people and friendship, sadly over the years I’ve come understand that my standards are in fact pretty high (not a bad thing) and my expectations had to lower. Sure you can minimise contact to an extent with toxic influences, but if they’re someone you deal with on your commute, in the workplace or a place you visit often, that makes things a wee bit more challenging. Much better I think, is to empower yourself by having the tools to deal with them.

Forewarned is forearmed. You’re likely to know who are the toxic people around you, so be aware of this and you have the chance to steel yourself for your next delightful encounter with them.

Take your time. You know the way person acts pushes your buttons which can make for a knee-jerk irrational response from you. Not only will that upset you, but you may come off as a bit of a dick in the process. Give yourself a little bit of time to think about what was said/done, calm down. It’s perfectly acceptable to politely excuse yourself from a room to prevent this and get some space if you need to.

Think. Does this person’s words/actions need a response? A lot of the time, it probably doesn’t. There’s no point telling them they’ve upset you because they won’t care or (worse still) that’s exactly what they want you to feel. Being dignified or silent makes far more noise.

Remember (this is the most important one). The words of toxic people do not mean shit. No, really. You don’t have to take criticism from somebody that you wouldn’t take advice from. Their words may be their (albeit warped) trust, but they’re not yours. Don’t accept them.

Someone always has your back. You have people in your life that are brilliant to be around. People that you would go to for advice, people who actively build you up with their words, people who you greet with a feeling of happiness rather than dread. Spend more time with or communicating with them, and remind yourself that this is what the majority of the world looks like.

If you have toxic influences you deal with on the daily, I’m sorry that you have to put up with that. They are the ones who are flawed and need to get better, so try not to be too bitter about their presence.

Thanks for reading,

J xx


Talk FOMO to me

This isn’t something you only experience as a kid, or a teen, or even as a young adult. Nope. FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) can affect you at any age or stage in life.

I don’t think people fully appreciate how difficult this feeling is for somebody but, in extreme cases, FOMO has the capacity to be as harmful as any mental health condition. Not only can it breed feelings of anxiety or worthlessness, but it can also help them to grow if they’re already there.

I’ve often beaten myself up when experiencing FOMO and let the feeling really eat away at my insides – why didn’t they invite me? Do they hate me? What I do to make them hate me? And spend the rest of the day/night overanlysing every little thing I’ve done and said recently that may have warranted my exclusion from a social event. And in the digital age we live in, you find out pretty easily when people are somewhere you’re not.

So what do you do? Sit, wallow and hope you can work out how to be the delightful/funny/sassy person you need to get yourself an invite next time whilst tryna act all “I’m FINE” in public. People saw through that act in The One Where Ross Is Fine, and you’re not fine.

So, what should you do? Over the years I’ve learnt that if you have the tools to cope this will go a long way, but you have to use them committedly and consistently:

1. Reframe and retrain your brain. Tell yourself over and over “I don’t know the context of why I haven’t been invited. So and so could have wanted a private chat about something, they might’ve just bumped into each other, etc etc…” You just don’t know, and you might never know, so you can’t presume it’s a bad thing.

2. Do something. Call a family member, ring another friend and make plans with them. If you’re doing something, you’re not thinking about what you may be missing out on.

3. Embrace the JOMO (that’s Joy Of Missing Out). Quite different from the above but another tactic to consider. Ok, so you’re not out being a social butterfly, so why not embrace the time and indulge in a little self care. Pamper session with pizza and Netflix, a lazy wander round the shops, book a massage, maybe just retreat to bed for a nap and some trash tv. Whatever takes you to your happy place, do that and allow yourself to appreciate that you have the time to yourself.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m not perfect and I do still have low moments where I cant help but let the FOMO in, but it happens less often and don’t last for very long. I don’t think I could ever fully embrace a JOMO state of mind, but having some strategies to deal with it (like any difficult situation) are a huge help. If you’re a FOMO sufferer too, I encourage you to try ’em out.

Thanks for reading,

J xx


Thank you, next…A final review of my 5 things for 2019 (and a few other things I’m so f*****g grateful for)

This is basically going to be a summary of how I’ve done with the goals I set myself at the start of the year with an added ‘happy list’ at the end. 2019 has been a bit of a weird year, but I only want to mark the things I’ve enjoyed about it, so even though I’ve had my share of rocky patches this year you won’t find them in this post!

1 – Shop in my own closet 75% of the time

I’ve done really well on this, a lot better than I even expected especially more so than the year before when I just banned spending completely.

I’ve probably invested in a couple more frivolous purchases over the last few weeks (hello Black Friday sales) but even then these were things I’d wanted for a while. I’m still thinking more deeply about buying before I pull the trigger and being more responsible with my money, which has enabled me to get more stuff done at home which makes me joyous, so I’m confident this have evolved into a behaviour I can maintain.

2 – Get a home bar

It’s done, goal achieved, I just can’t show you because that area 0f the house doesn’t photograph well (and also, the area itself needs to be restyled to accommodate) here’s a peek of what it looked like when we first set it up at the very end of last year, but it looks different now

Expect some better pictures and styling for this one in 2020!

3 – Un-join the gym and get outside

Well, this pledge has made it all the way to the end of the year! The girls and I still head out most Sundays (not every week, as sometimes people have plans or have had a heavy night before) and have plans to carry this on into 2020. It’s been a fantastic opportunity to not only get a bit of light regular exercise, but brilliant to see my girls much more often than I have for a long time which is great for my sense of health.

I did start to incorporate a bit of extra home cardio into this as I said I wanted to in my last update, however I sustained a bit of an injury and then didn’t manage to get back to it, but I will. I’m still quite clear that I don’t want to head back to join a gym at this point.

4 – Get out of the house more

Overall, I’d argue that I have done this throughout the year, however the Mr would probably disagree wholeheartedly!

I’ve said yes more than no to activities outside of work this year, though there have been a couple of periods where I was just knackered and needed to have a bit of time being a hermit indoors. But hey, I’m human and I’ll never be perfect.

5 – Dranks out, drinks in

You may remember that I took this one out of the running completely about halfway through the year. I’d had a few days/evenings on the sauce and felt it wasn’t going to be realistic to cut out as much as I’d expected. I’m not in any way disappointed about having to do this, I happen to think it’s healthy constantly review and change goals if they’re no longer relevant or achievable for whatever reason. More to the point, this one was vetoed for good reasons – I’ve had some lovely times out and about enjoying a couple of cocktails and some laughs with the Mr and my girls.

Other good things that 2019 has brought for me

– Getting to know and meet some wonderful people

This has been such an important part of why there have been positive points of 2019. There are people are already knew a little bit that I’ve spent more time with and lived, and I’ve met new people in a variety of ways that have become some of nicest/wisest/bestest influences on my state of mind. Thank you to all of you, I will Co ti ue to annoy you further in the new year!

– Travelling to Italy

A very important part of my bucket list was completed, and so much more as part of this trip. I most definitely heart Italy and would really like to see what else it has to offer.

– Feeling relaxed and comfortable in my own home

This probably sounds a bit weird, but I spent over 7 years in my last house just never quite feeling right and enjoying living there. It took a looooong time to find our current house (almost 11 months overall, and 8 months after selling the aforementioned one) but for me it was worth it. Although the Mr occasionally complains its smaller (and it is, a bit) it has a much better vibe about it and we’ve actually made some positive strides into to decorating and making it out own. I’m beyond excited to keep cracking on with this next year.

– The discovery of Ru Paul’s drag race

You could either think this is weird, or you could think ‘what the hell took you so long?’ to this! After hearing pretty much the whole of my social media feeds say how brilliant it was, I binge watched the entire first season one night when I was home alone and having a bit of a testing time. I really enjoyed it, and within 3 months I’d watch seasons 1-10 and the UK season 1 (I was team DDC and Cheryl Hole if anyone is interested).

Having a show so far removed from my reality was exactly the escapism I needed at a pretty stressful time, which I’m hugely grateful for. I just need to work out how I can watch the All Stars seasons that aren’t on Netflix now…little help??

– Experiencing my first Pride in Hull

I was invited to be part of this very important event in July, when I was on season 4 of Drag Race and I got to watch Alaska Thuderfuck perform which was blooming brilliant (but then had very high expectations of her appearance on season 5 which I watched shortly after).

What I lived about this event the most was the comraderie of the city, and the empassioned speech given by the Lord Mayor who is himself part of the LGBTQ community. I’m very proudly an ally for anybody who needs this.

– Spent more time with my niece and nephew

These munchkins are 4 and 5 and are genuinely two of my favourite people in the whole world. They’re so funny. clever and kind.

This year I’ve been on holiday with them, had them both over for sleepovers and generally just had them more at the house for visits and being the cool aunt I was born to be.

– I was immortalised in cartoon form

Bit weird (are you sensing a theme here) but on three occasions this year the ghost artist known as Peter and Paul made me and my HEY Bloggers gals part of thisbseries featuring local celebrities or prominent figures. For this reason I’m very flattered indeed, however I have been a bit dubious about the tattoos and cave woman-style outfits I’ve worn to date!

Thanks joining me this year, this decade (or even just for this post) on my blog. As always, I plan to keep going and add more and different content – as long as I enjoy it and put the work in, I hope you will too.

Thanks for reading, and wishing you very best for theyear ahead

J xx


Life Update – September 2017

  (Glass, ASDA/ Drink, Frozen Fizz by Ice & Easy)

Oh hey!

 I’ve been super quiet online this month – no blog posts and virtually no social media, so I thought I’d fill you in on what’s been happening:

I’ve moved house  (I’d definitely recommend Whitakers for anybody looking to sell in the Hull area)

Anybody that’s ever moved as adult knows how time consuming and stressful this can be anyway, however our situation has been a little different in that we sold our house and don’t have another to move into at the moment. As a result we’ve had to pack all our stuff away into storage (and into the spare rooms of some very generous family members!) and move into temporary accommodation until we find our next home. We’re struggling to find something we love, but I’m hoping we get there soon.

I’ve been on holiday (Times Square, Manhattan)

That’s right, I’ve been to the Big Apple. This pic is totally cheesy, involved me buying fruit from a street vendor and carrying it around in my bag all day, but there’s no shame in my game! It was my second visit to #NewYork and the only holiday I’ve had this year, and I was super excited to get some great pics for social media. And I definitely did, I really enjoyed getting to grips with my camera, I just didn’t feel compelled to share many of them whilst I was away. I’m excited to share them in future blog posts though, which will be on the way very soon. 

I’ve been failing at life a bit  (Marina, Hull)

Going on a long haul holiday, selling a house, searching in vain for a new home AND job, as well as being very ill with allergies since spring time, have taken their toll. I’ve been constantly exhausted and withdrawing from things I enjoy, but I’m hoping now things have settled a bit I can start to put some joy back into my life.

So that’s where I’ve been! But I have some really nice content to share in future posts that I’ve started working on, so I hope you come back to see that soon. Stay tuned to my social media channels for updates.

Stay stylish,

J xx


LIFESTYLE / Cheerz

This year has  created a lot of really nice and important memories for me, and it’s always nice to capture those memories in a photo as a reminder. So I was really pleased to be introduced to Cheerz to allow me to print my pics and actually display the memories! 

I downloaded the app to my iPad which I connected with my iPhotos, #Facebook and #Instagram accounts to grab my favourite images (it can also link to Dropbox) to create my Cheerz box   

Some graduation images…   

 Vegas pics…   

An actual cheerz photo!   

Even 1 taken last weekend   I really like how they have that Polaroid appearance to them; my plan is to make a kind of photo string/washing line with wooden pegs so this’ll look cute when they’re on display.

The photos arrived within 4 days of placing my order which is a great turnaround if you’re ordering anything as a present – you can pick up magnet squares and framed collages amongst other things. As Mama Alice is a massive magnet fan, I think this may be a stocking filler for her sorted!

And how nice is this little message I had inside the box??    Really excited to get these beauties on display now!

Thanks for reading, Stay Stylish (and get snapping)

J 😘xx